What You Have

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

I graduated from Acting School a couple months ago.

My classmates and friends have gone home.

I have no job, blueberry picking fell through.

I'm $6000 in debt.

And I don't know what to do with my life.

My parents are wondering when I will get steady work, income.

My friends are wondering "What's next?"

And I'm freaking out about the future.

It's morning. I take out a carton of eggs from the refrigerator, and crack one into the fry pan. Now there are ten spaces. I'm running out. My brain starts turning: I don't have a car. How do I get to the store to buy more eggs? How do I pay for more eggs, with my account so low? The egg sizzles in the pan. I look back at the carton, and then I realize. There are still two eggs left.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in planning for the future, I miss the present. I get so worked up about what I don't have that I miss seeing what I do have.

I resolve to eat breakfast and enjoy the egg in front of me, without thinking about those ten empty spaces. I start to see the blue sky and the green vineyards behind the place that I'm house-sitting. Tall, yellow flowers separate the back yard from the rolling green hills. I breathe deeply.

I have a house to stay in. I have warmth, a roof over my head, and internet to stream endless music. I have cupboards and a fridge with food in them.

I have friends all over the world, and I have Skype and Messenger to talk with them.

I have books to read. I have imagination, creativity, and skills in sewing, writing and acting. I have eyes that can see beauty. I have hot showers and legs to walk me places and parents who care about me. I have time.

It's evening, I open the cupboard. Instead of looking at the empty spaces on the shelves, I look at what's in front of me. Black beans. Canned tomato. Rice. I find a whole bunch of spices, and there's cilantro in the garden, so I make chili. It tastes great, and I don't feel nearly as stressed as I did that morning.

I've learned something. Real creativity and satisfaction starts with acknowledging what you have.

After all, you can't do anything with what you don't have.