Flying

The week after DTS graduation, I stayed in Dunham. I spent time resting, praying, and figuring out what to do next. I knew I had to go back to Alberta, for a wedding and to work to pay my parents for outreach. But afterwards? I had no clue.

So after some praying, I hit on the perfect plan: Join the Media Team in Dunham, and share the story of the Chagossians. It was brilliant, since I love Quebec, Dunham, and Media. My hope was to work hard, gain support and come back in October for two years.

Then, on the 4th of July, I boarded two planes, and took off from Montreal. The first was physical, and brought me home to Alberta. The second was metaphorical, and I thought I knew where it was going. More about that later.

After about a month of being at home, Mom came to me and said she had some concerns about my future plans. One concern was that I didn't have a full-time job, and it looked unlikely that I would even pay back my parents by October, let alone have $15,000 for two years of staffing in Dunham. She said that I should re-consider my plans, maybe think about not even going back to Dunham. My world came crashing down. All the plans that I thought were so solid suddenly weren't.

And in that moment I realized that my future plans were just that: MY plans. Not God's plans. My intense desire for certainty after DTS led me to rushing ahead and planning out my life. Big oops. That was when I realized that certainty doesn't come from circumstances. Certainty can only be found in God and His unchanging character.

But it was an awful feeling having my dreams die. To be fair, God did warn me. In that last week after Graduation, Isaiah 55:8-9 kept coming up.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I also had a prayer time with a couple other girls, to pray about our future. And both of them warned me that God could take me on a different path than I was expecting. I was scared, but they said that it was good, and exciting. So God in His grace warned me that things would happen differently to what I thought they would.

I had no idea what was coming next. I still don't. I have hints, but nothing definite. God has made it clear that now is a time for learning and growing deeper roots. That means I work part time, and spend lots of time reading and talking with God (and checking Facebook way too often. . .).

My plans are up in the air. I feel like I'm flying, only I don't know where this airplane will land. In the mean time I have a choice. I can sit in my chair and be annoyed that I'm stuck in airplane for who knows how long. Or I can enjoy the view, talk with people around me, read books, rest, and watch movies. I don't know where I'm going. But I know the Pilot, and He is trustworthy. 

God and Stitch Rippers

Today I lost my stitch ripper.

It's kind of a big deal for someone who sews. Especially since I had to pull out some stitching in order to fix a dress. I searched, but it wasn't in the usual places. Of course. That's what makes it lost.

I asked God, "Where is it?" I can't work on this dress until I find it! But all I heard was silence.

So I went off and did something else. Then I realized maybe I was asking the wrong question. So as I walked into my room, I said, "God, could you please help me find my stitch ripper?" Instantly, "Yes. Look behind the sewing machine." I walked directly to the machine and looked behind it, and sure enough, there it was. This conversation took less than five seconds.

The craziest thing is that God cares about lost stitch rippers. Not because of the thing themselves. But because it's important to me, and I'm important to him.

It's such a wild idea. God, the creator of Jupiter and winter and the Indian Ocean, God who parted the Red Sea and the rushing Jordan River, God whose holiness could frizzle us with one peek, this God cares enough about us -- about me -- to show a missing stitch ripper.